seeing thinspo on tumblr doesn’t hurt me a lot because they don’t feel real
they feel unachievable and unreal, like they could never appear in real life
but when i see a girl my age in the walmart parking lot
with twiglike legs sticking out of an oversized tie dye hoodie
i realize that it’s real and achievable
and a wash of shame goes over me
because i could be her
but i’m not
I was in the kitchen about to binge, the TV playing in the background. I opened the fridge and started looking for the fattiest thing in there.
Then I heard the TV… it was switched to a weight loss reality show.
The dietitian/host was addressing her overweight client : “you are making amazing progress, you will continue to lose weight as long as you dont cheat. it’s very important you dont cheat, bc then the hunger will start again; that’s the hardest part. the first 2 days of losing weight are the worst, the hunger is at its strongest but as the days pass it goes away and you get used to your new lifestyle”
I stood there in silence then slowly walked back to my room
•trying to lose weight that you’ve gained back
•knowing you can do this but bingeing uncontrollably
•feeling like because you’ve gained weight everyone thinks less of you and knows you’re a failure
•looking at old thin photos of yourself and hating that you let yourself gain weight
